You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
