dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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