piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
