It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
