Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
