when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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