Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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