He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
What drink are we having for lunch?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
