You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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