i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
