WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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