we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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