I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
