Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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