drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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