i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
There are leaves in my underwear?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
