i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
