This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
