Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
