he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize