saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
