You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
