I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
