Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
