he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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