What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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