she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
