My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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