i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
