Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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