he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
