Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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