Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize