Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
