she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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