I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
