I CAN MOONWALK!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
