this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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