Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
