Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
