weddingsv make me drug and hornr
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize