I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
