I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just forgot I was standing up.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The ass gains better be worth it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
