i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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