I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
