hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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