New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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