smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
