i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
