Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize