Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
