"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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