Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize