wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
