We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
