Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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