Umm I'm too high to move.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
