Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
