I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
