We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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