Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize