is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
