For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
