Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize