You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Its about making memories worth repressing
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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