you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
