dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
His hands were made for my vagina.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize