waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
