is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
