I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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