guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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