Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
