I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Randomize
