4 words: hood of his car
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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