I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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