May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize