everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
