Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
