I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
