it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
