The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
