I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
