i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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