Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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