She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize