oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
