stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
