quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
