I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
