drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
